


Danger Danger, Ring the Alarm

by Advocate_267



Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 1991)
Genre: Birds of Prey AU, Domestic Fluff, M/M, gross boys being gross, villians out shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24556750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Advocate_267/pseuds/Advocate_267
Summary: After an awkward incident involving a diamond Megavolt and Quackerjack go shopping.
Relationships: Megavolt/Quackerjack (Disney)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's not much point to this, I just wanted to write some Megavolt/Quackerjack based off the supermarket scene from Birds Of Prey. I might turn this into a oneshot series featuring different scenes from the movie with these two, we'll see :)

“Why are we here again?” Megavolt asked, looking around at the perfectly packaged shelves of the minimart. He itched his arm, the one currently handcuffed to the deranged duck known as Quackerjack. The jester humming happily as he pushed a giant cart, Megavolt sulking beside him.

“Well the way I see it there’s only two ways that diamond stuck in your tummy is coming out. This way,” Jack brandished a box of laxatives. Tossing the box back into the cart he grabbed a large cooking knife off the nearest shelf. “Or this way.”

Megavolt knew which one he preferred.

“But are the handcuffs really necessary?”

“Yes! I don’t want your pretty little butt running off on me now. Besides,” Quackerjack gave him a flirty smile. “You never complained about being cuffed before.”

“Well, uh,” Volt fiddled with his whiskers, cheeks going slightly pink. Jack just laughed loudly, startling a few other shoppers who eyed them warily. 

“Anyway, I’m outta groceries.” The jester piped, pushing the cart around to the next isle. Volt boredly trailed along. His mood brightened slightly as he realised they were in the candy section.

“Hey Quackers, can we get this?” He held up a little pack of candy sticks hopefully. Jack put his hand on his hip. 

“Depends, are you going to be a good boy?” 

“Quacky,” Megavolt groaned. “Stop treating me like a kid. You’re the childish one.”

“True, but I’m also the oldest, meaning I’m in charge.” He took the sweeties from him anyway, figuring the rat deserved a little treat after this ordeal. “Plus I’m not the one who thought it was a good idea to swallow a priceless diamond.”

Megavolt slapped a hand to his forehead. “You’re never gonna let me live this one down, are you?”

“Nope~”

They continued on their shopping quest, Quacky gathering all the essentials (which mostly consisted of items with  _ way _ too much sugar). As they neared the end Megavolt eyed their shopping warily.

“Uh, Quacky, how do you plan on paying for all that?”

“Oh, we’re not shopping at this store.” He gave a devilish grin. “We’re  _ robbing  _ this store.”

Slowly a smile to match formed on Megavolt’s face. Jack grabbed the handle of the cart, revving it while making motorbike sounds.

“You ready?”

“Oh, yeah~”

“CHARGE!”

Bolting down the aisle they ran full tilt towards the exit beyond the checkout counters. An unfortunate employee made the mistake to stand in their way, getting mowed down for his troubles. 

“WOOHOO!” Jack whooped and cheered as they made it to the car park, slowing down as they reached their getaway vehicle. Quickly (though not easily, due to the cuffs) they stuffed their shopping away and hopped in. Megavolt joined in the cheering as they sped away, the minimart and security a distant memory behind them. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's not really based off Birds of Prey, I just wanted to write more of these gross boys.

Quackerjack bopped his head to the radio as Megavolt drove (still handcuffed) to his hideout. It was a new pad, one the rat hadn’t been to before. Having shook off the police they arrived without a hitch, hiding their car behind the building before running up to the top of the apartment block, shopping bags in tow.

“Welcome to my humble abode!” Quackerjack announced as he kicked the door in. Megavolt wasn’t sure what he was expecting from his partner in crime but this apartment matched his personality perfectly. There was colour everywhere, from the bright pink walls to the miss-matched patchwork blankets strewn over the couch and floor. There were toys on every surface too, prototypes and models, ready to be turned into instruments of mass destruction. Megavolt felt a little uneasy with all the beady little eyes on him. 

“Hey,” He said, pulling on his cuffed arm. “Unless you wanna sit in the bathroom with me I suggest you uncuff me.”

“As I always say, everything is more fun with a buddy!” Megavolt wasn’t impressed with that notion, preferring some things to be delt with in private. Quackerjack relented, pulling the key from his pocket and unlocking the cuffs with a ‘click’. 

“Just keep your grubby mits to yourself.” He warned the rat, going to put the shopping away.

“Yeah, yeah.” While Jack was distracted Megavolt decided to have a nosy around. Something on the far wall caught his eye. It was a large target painted on the wall, closer inspection revealing a childish drawing of a female duck with comically large proportions at the centre. A knife was stuck between her eyes.

“Hey, Quacky, who’s this?”

“Hmm?” Quackerjack spun around, his mood instantly darkening as he saw what his pal was referring to. He frowned. “Oh, my ex.”

“Ex? You have an _ex_?” Megavolt wasn’t sure what to be more surprised by, Quackerjack’s uncharacteristic seriousness or the fact he had a ex, one he _never mentioned before_. Volt eyed the knife warily. “I’m guessing you didn’t part on good terms.”

“If you class getting thrown out on my face not good terms, you’re correct.”

“What? Wow,” Megavolt’s eyes bugged slightly. How could anyone do that to Quacky? Well...he felt like doing that sometimes, but he rarely acted on that impulse. “She sounds like a dick.”

“Yeah...but enough about that!” Quackerjack bounced over, holding out a bow of sugar cereal he’d prepared. “Here ya go, Megsy! This’ll shift that diamond in no time.” 

“Gee, thanks.” Megavolt took the offered bowl of lax-laced cereal, flopping down on the patchy sofa in the centre of the room next to Quackerjack. The duck flicked on his old television set (a nice vintage model Volt could appreciate) and immediately turned to a cartoon channel. 

The pair ate in silence for a while, Megavolt waiting for the inevitable. Eventually Jack looked over at his friend, a slight pleading look in his eyes. 

“Megs, can I paint your nails?”

“Uh, sure, why not.” It was far from the oddest thing Quackerjack had requested of him, plus it would take his mind off the rock stuck in his lower intestine. 

“Yay!” Jack jumped up, going to rummage in a box near the kitchenette. “I have just the shade!” 

He returned with a bottle of base/top coat and a sparkly blue polish. Megavolt removed his gloves, reviling his rather manky claws. He gave an embarrassed chuckle. 

“Sorry, my nails are kinda gross.”

“Not to worry, you let ol’ Jackie work his magic.”

And magic he worked. Megavolt watched in wonder as he transformed his dirty and cracked claws into glittered, well-shaped nails.

“Wow Quackers! Thes are- _oooh.”_ Megavolt groaned, clutching his stomach as it gurgled. Wordlessly Quackerjack pointed to the bathroom and Megavolt was off, slamming the door behind him. 

Quackerjack continued to watch his toons, trying to ignore the unpleasant sounds coming from his bathroom. When Volt showed no sigh of return after ten minutes Quackerjack got up. He knocked on the door. 

“You okay in there, Megsy?”

He heard a mixture of muffed moans and curses. “What do you think?”

“Sounds like you’re struggling.”

“ _No shit_.”

“Really? I would have sworn those laxatives would have worked by now, heeheeheehee.” Jack giggled hysterically at his little joke. Once recovered he grabbed the door handle. 

“Volt, I’m coming in.”

“No!”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed! I’ve seen all your parts.”

“You are _not_ going to watch me crap out a diamond! This is humiliating enough as it- _uh_!”

He fell silent. 

“Megs?” Impatient with waiting Quackerjack pushed the door open a smidge, peeking inside. Megavolt, jumpsuit tied around his waist, had his hand down the toilet. He pulled it out with a triumphant _Ha!,_ revealing the diamond. 

“We’re rich!” Quackerjack let out a cheer, instantly taking the diamond out his friend’s hand and hopping around the bathroom in joy. Megavolt grimaced. 

“Geez, Quacky, at least let me wash it first!” Snatching it away Megavolt rushed it to the sink. Quackerjack peered over his shoulder, marvelling at how shiny it was. 

“Imagine all the fun stuff we can buy. Weapons, sweeties, toys, _mature toys_.” He purred the last part in his partner’s ear, loving the little sparks that crackled off his whiskers in response. Quackerjack continued in a sultry tone. “How about we celebrate?” 

Megavolt suddenly felt a lot warmer. “C-celebrate.”

“Yes siree!” Jack turned to walk out the bathroom. He paused in the doorway, wiggled his tail teasingly. “Finish cleaning that thing up and meet me on the couch?”

Megavolt felt his heartbeat quicken, a goofy smile on his face. “I-I’ll be right there.”

“And bring the cuffs!” 


End file.
